I’ve been playing Prince of Persia for Xbox 360 for the past week or so, and I’ve noticed a few things. The premise of this game is that fate has joined you, the unnamed Prince in search of his treasure-ladden donkey, with the magical princess Elika to stop the destructive spirit Ahriman from regaining control over what is presumably Persia. See, he’s contained in a temple, and adjoining the temple are various interconnected caverns which each contain a vast, uninhabited, corrupted land.
In addition to needing healing, each land could use plenty of TLC from a team of urban planners. These lands are only accessible to the most acrobatic among us, and even then only if you are partnered with magical flying princesses. No wonder these places are empty!
- Guy 1> I’m hungry, is there a Sbarro around here?
- Guy 2> Yeah it’s just down the wall. Swing on this pole over to that decrepit wooden beam. Climb up about half way, jump to the other wall and then run across it for about 3 seconds. Now you’re gonna come to a corner with a ring on it. What you wanna do is grab that ring and swing around to the other side, then keep running along the wall until you get to the power plate. Not the first one, but the second plate takes you straight there.
- Guy 1> Are you talking about this corner ring or that one?
- Guy 2> No that’s a ceiling hook. You don’t want to take that one after dark, it goes to the bad part of the wall.
So what did I notice?
Well, I did notice the implausible level design as mentioned above. But so what? I mean it’s a game, there has to be some kind of challenge built in and kudos to Ubisoft for managing to at least dress it up in he trappings of an ancient something or other.
I did also notice the Disney-esque music that plays throughout the game. Especially after a land has been healed. I am not sure, but I would guess that not a single, authentic Middle Eastern instrument can be heard on this game’s soundtrack. The “healed land” theme sounds more appropriate for a Scottish glen than a restored Zoroastrian holy land.
There is one thing I did not notice: a Persian accent from any of the main characters. There was one guard in the beginning of the game, a bad guy, who spoke in an affected Middle-Eastern-or-perhaps-Mexican accent. At this point I feel that it’s fair to point out that Ubisoft is based out of Paris. Although this game is from Ubisoft Montreal, there should have been plenty of Persians available to lend their voice or writing talent, to this game. The titular Prince and his sidekick Elika — I guess a real Persian name like Elnaz didn’t sound authentic enough for Ubisoft — are voiced without the slightest hint of a Persian accent whatsoever.
Which fucking infuriates me.
Why is this game called Prince of Persia? Because it puts you in the middle of an anonymous desert, throws in a couple of key concepts from Zoroastrianism, and gives you a tan? This has about as much to do with Persia as Disney’s Aladdin has to do with anything Arabian (yes, the comparison to Aladdin is intentional.) This is the equivalent of writing a script about America like this:
- Title, Lady of Liberty
- Setting, a cornfield somewhere between the Atlantic and the Pacific, south of Canada and north of Mexico. Approximately 17th-20th century.
- Protagonist, the Statue of Liberty.
- Antagonist, an unholy alliance between Native Americans and the Soviet Union.
- Plot, armed only with a John Deere combine, the Statue of Liberty must defend America from Geronimo and the KGB. Her sidekick, Talvinder Singh, is an all-American type whose family has been here since the Mayflower landing. His father was the President until he allied himself with the Soviet Union. The story culminates in the defense of the Alamo against a Soviet invasion during the space race, when the Soviet Union attempted to capture NASA headquarters in Texas.
Hilarious? Maybe. Lazy? Yes.
There are some shining moments in this game. Despite the lack of any sort of authenticity in the dialog, and the occasional melodrama, there are some gems that warmed me up to the Prince and his sidekick. But without an authentic context — neither with history nor with a strong emotional story — the game exists in a vacuum of sorts: I play it, and when I’m done the only thing that’s changed is that I have lost about 10 hours.
It could have been an enlightening experience about Persian history and culture. It could have used Farsi words and names, taken place in real places, and used real Persian voices. It’s not like there aren’t already a lot of cool places in Iran, like the Arg-é Bam, to provide a backdrop for an historical Persian game.
Without any of this, Prince of Persia amounts to jumping around and hunting for collectibles in a Middle Eastern themed Epcot center. It should have been called A Vagabond Travels Through A Land That Is Vaguely Reminiscent Of What You May Think Persia Is.
Creator.